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Comedy Club
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Jim Carey _ Karate
Fire Marshall Bill
Bill Murray - Lounge Singer
Sam Kinison on In Living Color
Rocky played by Jim Carrey
Home Shoplifting Network
Star Trek - SNL

OLD MEN BRAWL - ON THE BIG SCREEN

Welcome To Baltimore

First you must understand the language in order to move around quickly.
Here are a few examples that may help.

TOP 8 TRANSLATIONS

1. Who you all is ? ------- Who are you people ?
2. I ain't no. -------- I don't know.
3. They shoulda done bin came ? ------ They should have been here by now ?
4. That swa Im'a do. ------ That's what I'm gonna do.
5. Maha-hapoo ? ------- May I help You ?
6. Im'a ax my peoples. ------ Let me ask my friends ?
7. Whatama do? -------- What am I gonna to do ?
8. Get from round me. ------- Get away from me.

REDNECK MANSION

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Musician Jokes

St. Peter's checking IDs at the Pearly Gates. "What did you do on Earth?" he asks a man.
"I was a doctor." "Ok, go right through those gates. Next!
What did you do on Earth?" "I was a school teacher." "Ok, go right through those gates.
Next! What did you do on Earth?" "I was a jazz musician."
"Go around the side, up the freight elevator, through the kitchen...."

Female vocalist to keyboard player, "I'd like to do 'My Funny Valentine' again tonight...
but can you think of a way to 'jazz' it up?" Keyboard player:
"Sure, we can do the first chorus in G minor, modulate to G# minor for the second chorus in 5/4 time,
modulate to A minor in 3/4 time for the bridge,
then cut off the last 3 bars!" Vocalist: "Don't you think that's too complicated to do without a rehearsal!"
Keyboard player: "That's how you sang it last night."

Drummer walks into a gig see's a lady siitong on a bar stool with a dog in her lap and says,
"Hey where did you get that pig ? The lady replies " thats not a pig its a dog.
Drummer says "I know thats who I was talking to."

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend? Homeless.

What's the definition of perfect pitch? When the banjo doesn't hit the side of the dumpster.

What do violinists use for birth control? Their personalities.

What's the difference between a puppy and a country music singer? Eventually the puppy stops whining.

What's the inscription on dead blues-singers tombstones? "I didn't wake up this morning..."

How do you make a guitarist play quieter? Put a sheet of music in front of him. How do you make him stop? Put notes on it!

What's the difference between a cello and a bass? A bass holds more beer.

What do a vacuum cleaner and an electric guitar have in common? When you plug them in, they suck.

How do you know if there is a drummer at your door? The knocking always speeds up.

What's the difference between playing an English Horn solo and wetting your pants? Both give you
a warm feeling but no one else cares.

Tuba Player: "Did you hear my last recital?" Friend: "I hope so."

How do you make a trombonist's car more aerodynamic? Take the Domino's Pizza sign off the top.

Hey buddy. How late does the band play? Oh, about half a beat behind the drummer.

Why do bagpipers march when they play? It's harder to hit a moving target.

What's the definition of a minor second? Two flutists playing in unison.

A young boy said, "Mom, I want to be a drummer when I grow up." His mom replied, "Well, you can't do both!"

A fellow walking into a pub says: "Do you want to hear my latest accordion joke?" "Now, I play the accordion" says the bartender,
a large strapping fellow."That gentleman at the end of the bar, the one who look like a logger, he plays the accordion.
And that big gentleman playing darts over there, he plays the accordion. Do you still want to tell your joke?" "No, I don't feel like explaining it three times."

If you drop a conductor and a watermelon off a tall building, which will hit the ground first? Who cares?

Sports Bar
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Pool 1 Pool 2 Pool 3